Wednesday, November 30, 2005

and see if you come out pregnant...

So about the bodacious licker, it's not mine, mine's much longer and greater in horrification, but it does drip with something that's been prevalent in my life lately...Saliva. A few weeks back, during fit involving how cruel women are, a friend of mine and myself partook in an epic scribing of our bodies. While we did end-up as thickly tattooed as an aboriginal tribe during war-season (do aborigines tattoo, or is that just something i read in a bathroom stallか) the marks significant to this entry were the two kanji I got on the back of corresponding elbows; 唾液 & 愛液 (correspondingly Spit and Sperm); and it seems the spit has stuck with me ever since.

Last Friday, just a stone toss after Thanksgiving, by ten o'clock I found myself thoroughly mucoused with my friend 琢哉's spit. What had started off as an innocent naked-off, accelerated into an all out saliva face-off. The guy fuckin' licked my eye! It was instigated by Tayli, (she has this thing about two guys doin' it with each other, she's like a frat boy). In the end it became a barbarous competition of grossness to see who could accomplish the most shameful deed that would send the other into tears of uckiness. i think i won on account of making 琢哉 vomit a little; but he seems to think otherwise. It was a tornado of tongues and a frenzy of mandible fluid...our tongues touched twice!

My group is heavily seeped in saliva. If one of us were to have mono we’d all have mono.

While lounging upside-down on my orange shag rug, my friend Kawate and i discussed the iroirona purposes and meanings of printing the words "spit and sperm" on my elbow. "Perhaps", she suggests, "it relates back to that old wives tale that spit is a spermicide." "What," my witty response, "spit's a spermicide?" Here response, "Well i don't know Tom, why don't you give yourself a blow job and see if you come out pregnant..."

Sunday, November 20, 2005

mind, soul, and hoodledoodle...

Okay, I just think it's very important to note that the very night I wrote the previous entery about throwing up into my hands, I did in fact through up. Sadly, not into my hands (lord knows I would have been too drunk to catch it) but nonetheless partial digestion did spew for from my talk box that evening. Was it the result of the not so massive amount of alcohol I consumed that night? Or perhaps some upsetting inner hoodledoodle that was tapped and, do to my weakened state, could not be properly controlled? This, kids, is the mysertious, complecated and deep (like cavern) inner workings of my mind, soul, and hoodledoodle...

Friday, November 18, 2005

That's what commitment does to me you know, hand vomit...

so I'm living with this little Japanese thing we'll call Mimi (and we do) and here's the dropping box around that nonesense...we're dating now. Within the past four days I have: discovered her attraction to me (once agian obvious to all but meself), begun dating her, broken up with her, and taken up dating her once again (apparently on a much more "Serious level"). The break up was a result of a certain incident that we'll code name the "Threesome" that happened during an alcoholic intoxication spin whilst her twenty-first birthday was put on. Whoa, and did that noise come out of no where. Have you ever just wondered how far you can take something and just pushed it and pushed it and pushed.

So there's this chick, we'll call her Tayli, for she is but an exact female version of me. Apparently, as proven by our astounding teamwork Tuesday night, we think on the same sexual mind level. We also carry a same style in clothing, plus she has curly hair and I'm jewish; it's like a living mirror! I like to call her the naked instigator. Last Friday we flew up to the local hotsprings just across the way in "Idahoe"; a clothing's opinion location that Tayli took strong advantage of. So this noise, all this nonesense with Mimi, started off with a bang of naked; suddenly I was haning out with six of my good friends, naked, and then dating and living with one. I'm married. Not that I'm blaming that on Tayli, just the naked...the naked is totally her fault.

So I've once again (if you count that other Japanese gf I fucked up with) found myself in a relationship. I can't even put parenthesis around the word because it's so true. I hate commitment and I don't know how I found this muddy hole but I'm worried i'm just gonna end up vomiting in my hands. That's what commitment does to me you know, hand vomit...

Friday, November 11, 2005

and when he eats it reminds me of sodomy...

So i feel like perhaps i lost a bet or made some ridiculous promise that i'm not really expected to keep...but i just must write something here. It's been long, and albeit, i'm a horrible father, the kind that beats and hides children in the dishwasher, or perhaps watches hour after hour of Wheel Of Fortune, only to make obscene comments about Mrs. White. Such ramble such rucus, why even continue. And yet I digress?

so now i live with this little japanese thing and we've taken to writing this and that upon or bread boxes (that's slang for 'stomach', I've been teaching my little Japanese thing ebonics...) We live below this german couple who just throws corn at us, and our landlord as the fuckrock awesome wig that looks like it was snatched from an Elvis wax, powdered and placed lightly upon his skull. He rocks out in his garage with his surround sound stereo system to Johnny Cash. We get along fine.

An Ass teaches my Japanese class. And he is, in fact, an actual disembodied ass. He floats up there in front of the class, no legs you know, and just talks shit out his face...his assface. He's from "Yale" and he's Emersonian and when he eats it reminds me of sodomy...